I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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