this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
