I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize