I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dignity is for republicans.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
