last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
