he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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