Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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