I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
