Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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