I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
