I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
