That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
