porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
