I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
