R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
