I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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