You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
