My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
