He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
