I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize