I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
