i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
