I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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