pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
