Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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