Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
