Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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