here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
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