Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
