Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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