My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
