Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
