It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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