It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
