The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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