Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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