I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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