but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
