Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I need to calm my uterus...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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