He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I want her autograph on my taint
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
