I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
