Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
