I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
