so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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