Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
