I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
