omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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