Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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