Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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