The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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