Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
