you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
