My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
