remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
