all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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