I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
