hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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