i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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