i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
