I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
