last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
