just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
