pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
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