either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
