I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
