you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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