K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
