Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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